Ecosystem of Tipping
From diners to boardrooms, we all live inside invisible ecosystems of tipping and favor. A smile, a bonus, a contract — each part of a hidden economy of power. Ecosystem of Tipping explores incentive networks and asks: once we see these systems clearly, what do we do with that awareness?
Jenny the Waitress and Stewart the CEO
Jenny’s restaurant world and Stewart’s boardroom look nothing alike on the surface. Yet both run on hidden ecosystems of incentive.
In restaurants, tips ripple outward to hostesses, bussers, and cooks; in corporations, contracts and perks ripple outward to consultants, boards, banks, and vendors. What looks like a single transaction is, in truth, an invisible economy of favors.
I’ve worked in both boardrooms and cafés. I’ve seen the same patterns in different cloaks.
What began as a quiet personal ritual, tipping the Jennys of the world to reward the emotional labor inherent in good service, later revealed that this tipping presented a fractal of systemic truth. The same principles apply whether you’re handing two dollars to a barista, taking a client to a baseball game, or watching how an app decides who gets seen.
Jenny’s Ecosystem
Jenny greets you with a smile. You leave a tip. But that tip doesn’t stay in her pocket alone — it flows to the hostess (better customers; the Betty Bookclub ladies are seated elsewhere while Jenny gets the big spenders seated at hers), the busboy (faster clearing means more table turns), and the cook (careful steak prep ensures her orders come out perfect). Her success depends on how she plays this ecosystem.
Stewart’s Ecosystem
Stewart, a CEO, operates in a mirrored world. The consulting firm expects a massive project, the board expects reciprocal pay raises, and banks and vendors expect lucrative contracts with hidden perks. Like Jenny, Stewart’s apparent choices are shaped by tacit expectations in an invisible system.
The Lesson
Whether it’s a tip in a diner or a contract in a corporation, incentives ripple through hidden ecosystems. The question for leaders isn’t whether these ecosystems exist. It’s whether they see them clearly, and whether they are willing to shape them with integrity rather than merely with self-serving convenience.
A Day in the Life of Jenny the Waitress
Jenny arrives to work and negotiates her section with her manager, Dave. “Hi Dave! How was Steven’s birthday party last night? Bet it was stellar!” she says with fake cheer. Dave controls which sections of the restaurant Jenny will have, and his moods vary by the day. Best to stay on his good side.
Fortunately, Dave assigns her section one. The best customers vie to sit there, near the windows, in the see-and-be-seen area of the venue. Now she needs to kiss up to Susie, the cute fashion-forward hostess. “Susie, hey girl. You look faaabulous!” she coos. Susie responds with a hair flip and a smile, “Thanks. Mitch said I looked on tap.” Check. Jenny pats her apron for the order pad and pens, and heads to the kitchen.
“Hey guys! Ooh, whatcha workin’ on?” Jenny inquires as she opens a large kettle. Ken slaps her hand away, “Hungarian chicken, an adaptation of a recipe from my grandma,” he replies, “That’s tonight’s special, about 40 servings worth.”
“Okay, I’ll promote it,” she says.
At the end of the night, Jenny adds up her tips. Two hundred forty. Okay, cool, she thinks, then begins her math: twenty-five to Susie for seating her some good tippers, ten to each of the two cooks, fifteen to the busser who turned around her tables quickly. That left her with one eighty. Oh, and the bartender, another twenty. So, one sixty. One forty if you count the twenty she had spent on a gift for Steven (she didn’t tip Dave directly, but he was always wanting to surprise his kids, his wife, or was throwing a school fundraiser of some sort, so staff were expected to kick in).
Her customers think they’re tipping Jenny for good service. Many of them have never considered that they are supporting an entire tipping ecosystem of gratuity flow-down. The picture of Jenny’s ecosystem of tips showcases some of the flow, and she is more similar to Stewart, CEO of Tech Industries, Inc. than she knows…
Her success depends on how she plays this ecosystem, on how well she senses the flows of power beneath the surface of service.
A Day in the Life of Stewart, CEO of Tech Industries, Inc.
By 8:30 a.m., Stewart’s inbox hums. A board member forwards a consulting proposal; a lobbyist invites him to a charity gala; a vendor offers “pilot-phase pricing” that everyone knows is a loss leader for future contracts. His assistant has already color-coded the day: investor call, analyst briefing, performance review. On paper, it looks like leadership. In reality, it is choreography — a sequence of reciprocal obligations performed beneath the banner of professionalism.
Before 9 a.m., he’s already dispensing favors: a consulting engagement here, a board bonus there, a vendor trial that will all but guarantee the next multi-year contract. Each move seems rational in isolation; together they form a private economy of access. Every nod, every “Let’s explore that,” keeps the invisible circuitry alive.
He was promoted to CEO with help from the same consulting firm presenting today’s engagement — the quiet hum of tit-for-tat expectation purring beneath the surface. His newest board seat followed a similar exchange. While serving elsewhere, he had urged fellow directors to reward their own CEO’s strong five-year run: “Pay the man,” he’d said. “Make hay while the sun shines. It may be tougher later, and we need to keep the stock moving.” Mere weeks later, a fellow board member who had voted yes to that raise invited him onto his own board. Another tacit understanding: Do for me what you did for that guy.
Different uniforms, same physics. The flows of reciprocity that hold the service industry together also hold the corporate world upright. Jenny smooths her apron; Stewart adjusts his cufflinks. Both understand that what keeps the system running isn’t only service — it’s the careful management of expectation.
Recognition Patterns: The Invisible Economies of the Tip Jar Everywhere
Once you start seeing these incentive ecosystems, you notice them everywhere. Street vendors who pay for “protection” are participating in one — a safety tax exchanged for the right to operate. Delivery drivers who tip each other to swap routes, hairdressers who slide a few dollars to reception for prime scheduling, freelancers who trade favors on LinkedIn, all are versions of the same unseen architecture. Every system finds a way to distribute advantage beneath the surface.
These flows of reciprocity can stabilize communities or quietly corrupt them. At their best, they lubricate cooperation and inspire a web of mutual care — the fabric that keeps human systems alive when rules alone would freeze them. At their worst, they harden into cartel logic: favors replacing fairness, access replacing merit.
The question, then, isn’t whether we live inside these ecosystems. We do. The question is what we do once we see them.
Where do you see tipping ecosystems in your own world? What ecosystems of power flow beneath the surface of your transactions?
— Madonna Demir, author of Systems & Soul
Jenny, Stewart, and all named figures, including companies, are composites. Real names have been replaced with constructive archetypes. The particulars are altered; the truths remain.
Q and A from readers:
Systems in Action
Gen Z Stare and Tipping
Scenario
Tipping requests pop up everywhere now. Some of us hesitate, especially under the gaze of the emotionless Gen Z stare at the counter. What’s really happening in that moment?
Systems-Thinking Response
The stare isn’t contempt; it’s calibration. Gen Z grew up fluent in emotional labor; they know what it costs to perform enthusiasm on command, and if their wage doesn’t merit it, false cheer feels like a bridge too far.
When they meet your eyes across the iPad, they’re not asking for a tip; they’re asking for fairness.
They are paid to provide service, tipped for good service, but nowhere does the job description include manufactured giddiness.
The gaze says: I’ll do my part; please see me as a person, not a performer.
What feels like pressure may actually be the first honest transaction in years—recognition replacing ritual.
Anchored in: Ecosystem of Tipping · Recognition Capital Doctrine
